I can’t very well sit here and say that my September 11th 2001 was anymore poignant than any other American who watched this tragedy unfold. However I do find solace in sharing like most Americans about where we were and what happened in the course of that awful day. Probably just like most of you did with co-workers, friends,and relatives. Myself, like most of you reading this probably went through that horrible day with co-workers and you clamored to get home and/or call your loved ones to find some sort of sanity and comfort. I know I did.
At my place of work at the time, I was a parts counterman. I was chatting with my boss about our plans for the day. Our delivery driver Joe rushed in and said ” A plane just hit one of the towers at the World Trade Center” I was shocked for second and thought well maybe it was just a small private play and an accident and maybe not that bad. I hoped so but given the world issues of the time the thought of terrorism did indeed cross my mind, but I quickly filed that away as there’s no way anyone would be so bold. Soon, Joe came rushing in again and said “Another plane hit and they are jetliners!” Of course it hit me then like I’m sure many of you of what was going on. We had no television at work to view so we turned on the radio to hear.
Our phones started ringing off the hook not for regular business but from customers and vendors alike reaching out to talk. People from all over the country. People that were wanting to get home to their families. People who were wondering if their bosses would let them go home to their families. I was talking to a long time friend in Indiana, a vendor where we buy our products. She was bawling and all that we could do is comfort each other. Call after call the same. It seemed like my entire customer/vendor network were calling us and others as well just to grasp at reason. Amazing how people come together in these times. I will never forget the discussions, the confusion, helplessness and anger expressed in just a couple hours from people across the country. I will never ever forget that. There were also odd but in a weird sense, welcome long pauses of silence. Silence from people just trying to understand what had just happened and where this might take us. What does this all mean and why? Praying.
My General Manager after a couple of hours finally told everyone to go home to their families. I remember him telling us “Be careful driving home, don’t speed and don’t daze off while thinking about all this. Just get home safely” I can recall as I was on the highway glancing over at other people driving. Most were in that daze and most probably glued to radio to catch the latest news. I was told by one of the customers I was talking to before I left work to get gas on your way home because “They are gouging people at the pump in place” I really didn’t care about gas at the time, but I was running low and stopped in to fill up. There was a line. I was second in line and this teenaged girl comes out side to change the price on the sign. The guy in the car in front of me jumped out of his truck angrily and said “If you change that fucking price I will close this place down!” She quickly ran inside. I kind of felt sorry for her, she was doing what she was told I’m sure. When that guy freaked out on that teenager I thought to myself “What in the Hell is going on people?” That weird butterfly feeling started to set in. I’m usually pretty calm and can handle things, stress etc. However, I felt a real urge to jump out of my car and chew that guys ass and tell that teen to bring me her boss. I didn’t. I couldn’t and I’m glad I didn’t. That man and that girl were confused and scared like anyone else in the chaos everyone was experiencing. A chaos certainly not like what was unfolding in NYC, Pennsylvannia and D.C. but a once in a lifetime chaos for all of us. A chaos in our own individual worlds.
Finally, as I made it home and as I was making my way down my street, a neighborhood normally full of kids playing outside and a neighborhood with young and old doing yard work was now baron in a sense. People were all inside watching what was taking place. I had not seen one second of footage as of yet and tried to prepare my mind for what it was about to absorb given all I’ve heard. I distinctly remember fumbling around with my keys trying to unlock our front door. I walked in to find my wife and my one year old boy lying on a baby blanket. My wife never cries, rarely sheds a tear and just looked at me as I walked in and said “Jimi this is bad this it really bad” and then she burst into tears. All the while my son, now a tall lanky twelve year old, then I tiny version of the Michelin Man lay there smiling and making baby noises…
I remember laying in the middle of them to hold them tight. I remember looking into my sons big giant blue eyes and his smiling chubby face and pulling him close to me just wanting to gather strength and absorb that sense of innocent childlike way. A Father gaining strength from his tiny baby boy… I remember that like it was yesterday. A story I’ve told him over and over. Damn.
After watching all of the news rolling in and persistently seeing those planes fly into the towers and the towers falling over and over, I couldn’t take anymore. It was late that night, I drove to the store and got me a twelve pack of beer and went to sit out on my deck. My back yard at that house was surrounded by woods on four sides. It was like natures private room without a roof I guess one might say. With my wife and my son asleep I just sat outside sipping beer and trying to put the day’s crazy puzzle together. A puzzle missing pieces I suppose. I happened to looked up to the stars as I made my way in. I paused. It was a clear night and noticed no airplanes, no helicopters as our house was in the flight path of Scott Airforce Base and was always filled with a bit of aircraft noise and an ocassional C-130 roaring by low which I always got a kick out of usually. Nothing at all that night. All aircraft was grounded. All aircraft radio was silent.
What I saw and thought of was God at that moment. His sky….a beautiful night time sky His sky… and I remember before I turned in for the evening thinking to myself that if one thing Americans across the country were sharing that night was that very same silent pristine sky. A sky void of man’s creations and a sky as it was when God created it. No red and green blinking lights. No jet noise and no helicopters. I looked at it as a sign of peace and a bit of comfort God had thrown my way. Not much different than the giant blue eyes of my son when I first arrived home. God was there too. God was in his mama’s cry too. I know that it was.
From a Mother’s cry. From a childs big blue eyes. From the twinkling stars of the sky. God was there.
Jimi971